It isn’t until we begin to grow up and hit our teen years that we catch a glimpse of the many hats our Moms wear in the family.  She takes care of the house while maintaining our calendars of academic & social commitments, not to mention playing the role of the unpaid taxi driver shuffling us to & from activities.  If there is more than one child in the family she is like a full time Executive Assistant keeping everyone on a time schedule while juggling all of her other duties, and usually working full time outside of the home.  It is Amazing & Exhausting.  Once we blossom into young adults we finally begin to realize exactly how difficult her job is and that it is truly never-ending.  Our appreciation continues to grow as we enter relationships, marriage and parent-hood.  It is like a light bulb is turned on and we finally say, Wow, Mom was right, or Wow, I had no idea what being a Mother entailed.  Funny, if we’d only listened when we were younger.

For those of you that are unaware of the origin of Mother’s Day allow me, via Wikipedia, to educate you. Think of it as your “something new” you learned today. The modern Holiday of Mother’s Day was first celebrated in 1908, when a woman by the name of Anna Jarvis decided to honor her own Mother, two years after her death and then embarked on a campaign to make Mother’s Day a recognized Holiday.  That holiday began in 1914 & was very popular.  It is a pretty interesting story should you have the time and curiosity to look Ms. Jarvis up on the internet.  Ironically, she never married or had children and she spent her years after the Holiday was born campaigning against how commercialized it had become.  I guess that is a cost you pay once you have a great idea and the world of business finds a way to benefit from it.

For me this is a bittersweet holiday as my Mama passed away in November of 2007,  this will be my sixth Mother’s Day without her.  Each year I still feel the pain of her absence and reminisce about those wonderful memories of love she shared for all of those years, even when I didn’t appreciate it.  Those of you without your Moms know what this feels like & I’m sure that each year you Celebrate, Remember, Heal a bit & Grieve in your own way.    I believe that it is all part of the process we must go through.

Through my 18+ years of being a Single Mom on Mother’s Day I learned that it wasn’t about gifts, cards or stuff at all.  I learned that Mama was right all those years; it was just about being with my daughter and the people I Love.  There is something pretty cool about being a Mom and spending Mother’s Day with your Mom.  I was blessed that my family was very involved during my daughter’s growth & watching the relationship between granddaughter and Nana grow it always made me very proud & happy.  I was never close to my grandparents so that was a special bond that I really wanted my daughter to have.

I think that sometimes society as a whole forgets that even though the second Sunday in May is the official recognized Mother’s Day holiday, there are 364 other days in the year that are Technically Mother’s Day as well.  After all, you don’t get paid time off for good behavior do you?  And as sure as there were endless errands to run & chores to do today, there will be more of the same tomorrow and the next and the next day waiting for you right?  Maybe someday people will catch on, but until then, take a breath and enjoy YOUR DAY.  Let your kids spoil you.  Let them cook you a crispy breakfast, and pick wildflowers.  Whatever it is they decide to do to show you how much they love you, embrace it and Thank them, because it will be another whole year until they shower you with that much attention again!

Some helpful advice to you would be to make a habit of finding a balance in your world.  Your life as a Single Mom demands 100% of your time and attention I know, and your career gets the other 100% leaving you the person with a negative 100%.  It is so important to start right now a routine of taking good care of yourself.   There people in your life that would gladly babysit for you weekly or monthly while you escaped for quiet time.  Or went to a movie or for a walk.  Whatever it is that feeds your soul.  If you have a set visit schedule with the father, then use some of that time as YOUR time.. Not scramble around the house and finish all of the chores time.   You can’t look after everyone else if your soul is drained.  Some of us are under the delusion that we have to be Super Mom and ON all the time.  Giving and doing for our kids and others.  We have a bad habit of putting everyone else’s needs first.  The sooner we learn to balance that all out and put ourselves into the equation, the happier, healthier and stronger we will be.  Trust me on this one, it took me years and years to learn & incorporate it into my life & it make a world of difference.

The other lesson that life has taught me is that your children watch how you treat your own Mother.  Your kids don’t miss a thing so pay attention to what you say to your Mom & what you say about her, because your children are learning from you how to treat their Mother.  Be a good example.

My wish for all of you Wonderful Single Moms is that you are surrounded with Love, Joy & Laughter on this Mother’s Day.  Never underestimate the power of sharing a meal, laughter & making memories surrounded by the people in your Village who bring you Love.  It creates an eternal footprint in your heart that you can always recall.  It keeps you company when you are sad and lonely; it gives you strength when you feel weak, and it fills your soul with Love if you ever begin to feel like you are running low.

And don’t forget to call those Special Ladies in your life who are your second Moms, your bonus Moms or your Spirit Moms and tell them how much they mean to you & how much you Love them.  They don’t want gifts trust me.  They just want to know that you have received the love they have given.  That brings them so much joy.

A Special message of Love to all of my friends who are Moms, Single & Married you are my continued inspiration.  To my Beautiful daughter who is expecting her second child in September I want you to know how proud I am of the person & Mom that you have grown to become.  I can hardly wait to be NeNe to my second grandchild.  What a blessing the Circle of Life is.  Though our hearts break when a loved one leaves this earth, it begins to repair and refill with love when a beautiful baby enters.  I know that Nana & Papa are watching over you from Heaven and will send light with the baby to surround you.

As always I am sending a Universe of prayers to bring you strength and to remind you of what a Great job you are doing raising your family.  You are not alone & you have so much to be proud of.  Keep up the good work.

Blessing to you all ———————————————-Torie B.

It is a mixed blessing when you are able to watch someone take their last breath. When Mama passed in 2007 after a two year battle against Cancer, she was at home in her bed, with my sister, daughter & I at her side holding her hands telling her it was ok that she leave. Unlike being present for a birth there isn’t a feeling of elation and joy watching this heartbreaking life (end of life) event. It certainly isn’t as they portray on T.V. where you hear harps playing and Angels singing while you are surrounded with a glowing light and feeling of Serenity. No, it hits you like a ton of bricks to the stomach and you feel like you are going to throw up, then you begin crying. Not just tears from your eyes, but the kind of tears that come from the depths of your very soul. They burn as they roll onto your cheeks and there is a desperate cry of pain that seems to just explode out of your mouth as you try to grasp the concept of what you have just witnessed. Anger, fear and an uncontrollable shaking take over your body and the definition of helpless over takes you. It is an experience that you never, ever forget.

For me it was a matter of my heart taking over asking why over and over. Why couldn’t I do anything? I was right here, why didn’t I take them to a different doctor or clinic or hospital? Did I miss something? Why? It just consumed me. You see I moved in with my folks 9 years ago after they lost everything in the 2003 Southern California Wildfire. On that fateful October day we had no idea that when I evacuated them from their home of 35 years that they would never be able to return. If I would have known that the Cedar Fire was growing at a monster rate consuming everything in its path I would have thought to pack things, but no I just grabbed my parents their dog and a box of photos and made them leave. Why, why didn’t I think to pack anything? Logic tells me that there simply was nothing I could have done, but it took years for my heart to accept it.

Being there with them through their surgeries, cancer treatments & recovery made me a caregiver in training and it was my job to take care of them. So why couldn’t I fix things? Why couldn’t I have made sure that they would have healed and been ok? Yes, I do know the answer, but it has & is taking me time to accept it.

It never crossed my mind in December that once Daddy was admitted to the hospital, that he would never come home again. So the shock mixed with the pain has really made it difficult for me to adjust to life without him, but I’m getting stronger every day.

My family & I were blessed to be able to honor our Father this past weekend with a unique tribute that shared wonderful memories about his life & the footprint he left behind. Now that his Celebration of Life is over & his Military Service performed, we take great comfort in knowing that he is smiling from above holding Mama’s hand watching over all of us & sending us abundant Love.

As a believer in the Circle of Life & that ALL things happen for a reason, I shall proceed as many have done before me, in adjusting to this life without my parents one day at a time, and take all that they gave & taught me to make a difference in this world.

I am incredibly blessed with a support system that allows me to grieve openly and provides me a safe place to do so with many shoulders to cry on and arms to hug when needed.

Without all of them I’m not sure where I would be. Their love gives me strength daily and being able to share openly like this also helps me begin the healing process.

Thanks for letting me “cyber vent”, it means so much to me. And for those who have lived in and through this type of pain & life changing event, I am sending you a Universe of hugs & prayers that you too are getting stronger each and every day.

I promise to jump back into reality right away. I have many new resources for you and am moving forward on self publishing my book as I write this. I know that I have much left to accomplish and many people to help and I shall do so with my parents heavenly guidance.

As for now it is time for Crying, Remembering & Healing….

Single Moms of the World Unite! & reach out to help one another while raising your Wonderful Families… Always remember that you are NOT alone and that you are doing an AMAZING job!!

Blessings to all…… Torie

For Single Moms who face all of the same issues & money battles as a two parent household, this time of year can be downright terrifying & depressing.  Between buying the holiday décor & getting it set up, there is a tree to buy, along with fancy clothes, a menu to prepare, gifts to purchase and the regular monthly bills to pay.  It’s not like there is an extra payday in the month of December that allows for a little “extra spending”, wouldn’t that be nice?  It also is a time of year that memories can be an enemy & depression can creep in to add another stress to this otherwise festive time of year.

Some Single Moms have active participation from the Father of the children, so it takes a bit of the stress off & creates two holiday celebrations for the kids, which is Wonderful.  But for one reason or another most do not have the participation of the Father which adds to the existing guilt & stress that the Single Mom already feels.  It is a tough battle to face.

During my Single Mom Journey this time of year was doubly stressful because my daughter’s birthday was two days after Christmas so I not only had the stress of the Holiday cheer but a birthday party to plan as well.  It was crazy, and money was nonexistent.  I took pride in the fact that I was a Single Mom working full time and providing for my daughter without the co-parenting help I would have loved to have from her father but it was always a struggle which at times made me feel like a failure.  It was an ongoing battle.

My biggest saving grace was that I was blessed with an amazing family with hearts of gold.  No matter what I needed, there they were.  Hammers in hand, bags of groceries, quarts of oil for my car, you name it they jumped in.  They knew I was too proud to ask them for help, but they made sure that I always had the basics and that my daughter never missed out on her celebrations.  I really appreciated all that they did year after year.  Whenever I would say that I felt a bit guilty about accepting their gifts, my Mama would remind me that when a gift is given from the heart, it creates love & joy for both the giver & the receiver.  Mama was a firm believer in the theory of “It Takes a Village”, in life.  Because of what I learned from her unselfish giving, I have always tried to go out of my way to help others in any way possible, even when they don’t ask for the help but are in true need of it.

Pride is a funny thing.  It is one of those emotions that you can’t see but that each of us at one time or another feels it deep inside.  I don’t know much about psychology but I think that pride, well at least my pride, was layered with a  dab of guilt and that is why it was always so hard for me to accept when others would reach out to offer something to my life for the sake of my daughter.

Throughout my life I have always heard that you should never take more in life than you give & as I’ve grown I have found that to be a very helpful & true life Mantra.  It seems to help control the balance of how people act and react to life situations and tends to keep an ego intact.

At some of my difficult times during my Single Mom Journey when I truly had nothing left to give in the way of money or stuff, I was always able to find a way to give of myself in order to help others.  It was amazing to be able to actually help someone just by being there, whether it was to baby-sit for a Single Mom friend so she could run errands or to pitch in & help around the house or maybe to just offer a listening ear, loving heart and strong shoulder to cry on when she was facing something painful.  It sounds a bit corny I know, but it was so uplifting for me to actually be able to contribute positively to the life of another by simply being there.

I realize that in this day and age everyone knows a Single Mom, probably more than one.  A sister, an Aunt, a neighbor, a Co-worker, they are a growing population for sure.  And just like everyone else just because they work hard, don’t complain and smile most of the time it doesn’t mean that they aren’t in need of help.

My suggestion to everyone this Holiday Season is this.  Take a moment to stop and think about that Single Mom that you know.  I mean really stop and think about her life situation.  How many kids does she have, is her car more than 8 years old, does she have a repair at her apartment or house that has been in need of attention but just can’t do it herself?  I’m suggesting that this holiday season you rethink the definition of “gift” and not confine it to a purchased item wrapped in a shiny package with a huge bow but expand the definition to include what you can do to actually help someone in your life.

If the Single Mom in your life is a close friend or relative then sit down and talk with her and tell her that money is tight for you as well but that you want to give her a gift from the heart that allows you to help her in an area which she needs the most and probably would never ask anyone for.  If you present it as a gift that would bring you joy, she is more likely to accept rather than feel guilty.

Maybe you or your husband is a plumber & she has a bathroom sink that isn’t draining, or maybe you are handy around the house and can repair anything, or maybe you have changed your holiday décor/theme this year and have a bunch of ornaments, & trimmings that you don’t need any more that she can use.  The possibilities are endless if you put some thought to it.

Just try to remember that anything that impacts you during the holiday season will also impact the Single Mom.   For example, holiday portraits for the family may be something you have always done, but for a Single Mom to make that happen she needs to purchase dress up clothes for her and her kids, then take them to a local mall studio and then when the photos are done the cost is so high that she can’t afford to buy more than 1 picture.  If you have a nice camera, why not suggest that she get the kids dressed, without buying new stuff, and you can take them to the local mall that is all decked out with Holiday bliss and you can take their picture in front of the décor.  It will be a Holiday background which will look like a professional set up and printing your digital photos will be much easier and cheaper than going to a studio.

Maybe you are one of those amazing coupon people who save mega amounts each month at the grocery store & have an organized garage filled with a stock pile of purchases.  Can you put together a Holiday basket of necessities to trim the big dinner for the Single Mom?  Just the side dishes add up and once you add the ham or turkey the price tag for dinner can be more than she has to spend.  How wonderful would you feel if your generosity wrapped in Love could make someone’s Holiday brighter?

As I said before, I know that everyone is struggling financially these days no matter what their circumstances, and for me, that means that now more than ever it is important if not imperative that we learn to reach out and help one another.  This Circle of Life in which we live comes with the responsibility of not only caring for ourselves but  caring for all humankind.  We all have something that we can share with another which doesn’t come with a price tag.  We all have strengths, talents and life experience that others can benefit from.  If we take the time to find out how we can use those attributes to help another, to me that really is the true spirit of giving.  It may seem easier to run to the store and buy something for someone, but it takes time and heart to look inside to see what you have that you can give to another which comes from inside your heart.

So go on, take a moment & think about how you feel when someone gives you a gift from the heart and how blessed your life has been.  You may be able to give a blessing back to someone in need who wouldn’t ask for anything due to their pride.  Wouldn’t that be the greatest gift of all and a way to teach your family by example?  I’m just saying that it can’t hurt.   So think about it, Please – Thank you.

No matter what you & your family celebrate this time of year, I wish you a house full of family, a heart full of love and much joy & happiness in the coming year.    Torie B.

I remember during my Single Mom Journey about this time of year is when the major stress would settle in.  First there was the cost of a Halloween Costume, once we agreed on one, then family dinner for Thanksgiving which was always followed by the expense of Christmas.  Add to the pile that my daughter’s birthday is two days after Christmas and you’ve got Excedrin Stress Headache #99!  I was blessed that my parents lived in the same City so during the winter school holiday I didn’t have to pay for daycare, but I still didn’t seem to ever have any extra money for the holidays.

It was this time of year that the Single Mom Swap Meet would have come in handy for me, but the idea didn’t come to me until after my daughter was already out of school.  Today I think it would be very helpful to Single Moms everywhere.

The purpose of the Single Mom Swap Meet is to gather as many Single Moms as you can and have them bring all of the items around their house that they don’t need or that their children don’t use anymore.  Like sports equipment, fancy dress clothes for holiday’s, electronics, books, shoes, musical instruments, basically whatever they have that is in good shape that another Single Mom may need but can’t afford.  The list really is endless.  Now here’s the catch.  It is a REAL Swap Meet…meaning that people actually swap for things.  No money exchanges hands at all.  Since money is tight and almost nonexistent for most people, especially Single Moms, it truly becomes a swap meet and everyone benefits from it.

I’ve had people organize these from their Church groups, PTA’s, work friends and now with the Social Network availability, you can create a huge event in your neighborhood with just a click of a button!  You will be amazed by the amount of stuff you are able to clean out of your house and the things you are able to get that you just wouldn’t be able to afford on your own.

Take Seasonal clothes for example.  Between the ages of 2 & 4 it seems that every 3 months kids grow an entire size leaving things like shoes, boots & winter jackets too small after only being worn a couple of times.  It is crazy.  That stuff isn’t cheap to buy in the first place.  How great would it be to be able to give them to another Single Mom who has a kid that needs them? What about your kid who is sure that they want to take up playing the trumpet?  You aren’t real sure that it might work out, nor are you anxious about the noise of the daily practice sessions, but you want to let your kid try.  Once you begin to add the cost of weekly lessons to the monthly rental of the instrument it becomes very expensive.  Maybe there is a Mom who has a trumpet stuffed in her hallway closet that her child played years ago and is now just taking up space.  You could help each other out!

Some friends have held these Single Mom swap meets twice a year and have made a Pot Luck out of them.  They’ve successfully cleaned out their garages, closets & kids rooms while helping out others, eating great food and making new friends!  It’s a Win-Win situation!

Look around your house and think about forming your very own swap meet.  You can reach out to neighbors, church friends, work associates, and electronically as well to create a large, successful event.  Maybe you can have it at the end of your block, or in someone’s garage.  You can also create an e-mail list of invitees and send out a Wish list ahead of time so that the Moms who are in need of specific items can list them in case someone has what they need.   You can be as creative as you want.  Think about it and spread the word.   It also becomes a great opportunity to network with others who are going through a lot of the same things that you are.  Being a Single Mom these days may be considered common place, but it doesn’t make it any easier.  I remember times when I just wanted to run and hide because I was overwhelmed and felt so alone while raising my daughter.  I was sure I was doing everything wrong.  To have others around who understood truly what I was going through made all the difference to me and kept me from feeling like a complete failure.

I’ve always believed that in life it truly does “Take a Village”…  We are all here to live, learn and help one another.  Life is difficult for everyone and the Journey through Single Mom-hood can be exhausting & overwhelming, but if we remember to reach out and reach back to help each other, then the road can become smoother & we find that we don’t have to travel it alone.

I would love to hear how your event goes and how you personalized it, so send me an e-mail and keep me updated, please.

Until next time, keep up the good work of raising your family and try to breathe more and stress less this coming holiday season.  Remember that it isn’t about what you buy for your family that matters most; it’s what you give to them each and every day that leaves a footprint on their hearts.  So just do the best you can and Love them and teach them to Love.  That is the Greatest gift of all and will last them a lifetime.

Take good care and be well my friends.    Torie B.

Leah Klungness, Ph.D., is a psychologist and recognized authority on single parenting and relationship issues. Dr. Leah is the co-founder of Singlemommyhood, an engaging and thriving “neighborhood” for parents looking for inspiration, encouragement, and frank advice. She is also the coauthor of the award winning book The Complete Single Mother: Third Edition, which is the only comprehensive and best selling self-help book ever written for single parents.

Dr. Leah’s expertise comes from her personal experiences as a single parent, as well as her training and experience as a psychologist and elementary school teacher. She earned her doctorate and license as a psychologist while single parenting her two young children. She has been quoted in major national magazines, newspapers, and online media including Parenting, Redbook, Working Mother, the Ladies Home Journal, the New York Times, the Boston Globe, Newsday, Huffington Post, CNN and Parenting.com and has appeared on Good Morning America and other national TV and radio talk shows.

You can also catch some of her appearances on YouTube.  It is worth it for you to visit her website, www.justaskdrleah.com, as you will always find resources, great advice and a community of parents who understand what you are going through.

Dr. Leah is the real deal and she knows what she is talking about.  Take some time and read through her website.  I know that you will find useful information to enhance and improve your Single Mom Journey.

Take good care and remember that you are doing an Amazing job with your family!  You are strong and blessed.  Keep up the good work…

Cyber hugs all around, Torie

Among the lost treasures I uncovered on my desk were a few books full of  helpful information for Single Moms that I found while doing research for my book.  Since I had such a difficult time finding books for Single Moms on local bookstore shelves I spent weeks searching the internet for them.  I was disappointed that there were so few to choose from and surprised at the varied range of topics they covered.  From how to get back into the dating world to how to discipline your children, the concept of these books was very different from mine, but informative none the less.

My search for these books also led me to a wonderful & affordable website to purchase books from which I continue to use to this day, www.abebooks.com.  I recommend that you check them out whenever you are in the market for a new or used book, they usually have the best prices.

Though I’m sure there are stacks of books that didn’t find their way to my desk, the following, in no particular order, are a few that I found helpful and inspiring information in.  I recommend then highly.

Single Mom’s Little Book  of Wisdom – Cassandra Mack (2006,2007)

Survival of a Single Mom – Catherine Green (2209)

Life As A single Mom: It Itsn’t Easy, Or Is it? – Stephanie M. Clark (2007)

The Successful Single Mom – Honoree Corpron (2009)

From One Single Mother to Another – Sandra P. Aldrich (2205, 1991)

The Single Mother’s Survival Guide – Patrice Karst (2000)

The Complete Single Mother – Andrea Engber and Leah Klungness, PhD. (2006 Third Edition)

Chicken Soup for the Single Parent’s Soul – Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Laurie Hartman & Nancy Vogl

Though not everything in each book will be applicable to your situation, hopefully you will find some helpful tid-bits & inspiration that you can use.  And once you are finished reading them you can pass them on to another Single Mom in your Circle so she too can gather helpful information.

Torie

For years now the jury has been out on whether they are impersonal or practical gifts to give.  Some people don’t have a problem giving them for birthday gifts but won’t consider them an option for the Special Occasions or Holidays because they don’t think they are appropriate.  I disagree with that.

As Mother’s Day is rapidly approaching you may already be done with your shopping and have found the perfect gift to give.  If not, you are probably stuck in the same spot you were this time last year.  Trying to decide on that perfect gift, the one you said you’d get a head start on this year so you wouldn’t have to stress out again but just didn’t have the time, right?

Well, all I know is that 23 years ago when I became a Single Mom, there wasn’t the variety of gift cards available that there are today and had there been I would have Loved to have received any number of them for my birthday, Christmas, and especially on Mother’s Day.

So many times people don’t know exactly what to get so they settle for something that seems ok, and they always end up spending more money than they had anticipated just to get it over with, and most times the gift isn’t really appreciated by the recipient.  That is awful.  But with gift cards the possibilities are endless!

If you ask me a $25.00 gift certificate to a Salon in my neighborhood  is a way better idea than that $50.00 last minute item that pressure and stress made someone buy, as it usually turns out to be something I either don’t need or don’t know how to use.  Yes, I know it is the thought that counts, but really?

Think about the Single Mom in your life.  Does she ever get to go to a movie that doesn’t have animated creatures in it that are made of sponge who live under the sea?  I know there are affordable gift certificates for local movie theaters that she would welcome so she could sneak off and see a movie with real people in it, and drink all of the soda and popcorn she wants without being under the scrutiny of her kids.  Maybe you can offer to watch her kids while she does so one afternoon if she doesn’t share parenting duties and/or have the luxury of kid free weekends every once in a while.  I’m sure she would appreciate it very much.

Even the local “build your own” stores have a variety of gift cards that they sell.  I was just in the Lowes store in Santee and was caught off guard by the large display that seemed to hang from the ceiling which contained gift certificates for everything: from on- line entities, restaurants, coffee houses, book stores, clothing stores to spas ranging in prices from $15.00 and up.  See, guys, you can find that perfect gift while picking up tools and stuff in your favorite home improvement store; they are right there for the grabbing!!  Chances are you know what Mom’s passions and hobbies are and be able to select a gift card that will seem tailor made for her.  Very personal if you ask me.

If you want to fancy it up, since some people think that a small plastic card doesn’t seem like a “real gift”, then get one of those decorated bags or boxes and wrap it up or tie it to a bottle of wine, or box of chocolates, be creative.  You know that special Mom pretty good and you know what she would like.  Trust me she will appreciate the thoughtfulness of your gift because it will be specifically for her.  Not something she has to share with her kids, but just for her to enjoy.

Though I usually speak to the Single Mom element, this category suits ANY and ALL Mothers because by nature they tend to always put their families first and don’t think about what they would enjoy just for a day.  A specific gift card gives Mom permission to indulge in an activity that she might not otherwise feel comfortable spending her “family” money for her use.  So it’s a win, win situation.

Those are my thoughts on the Gift Card subject.  Very Practical and Personal, and if packaged with creativity and love, it becomes a work of art that Mom will enjoy and Thank you for.

Think about it as on option if you find yourself stuck trying to find a special gift.  I bet she will be so surprised and will Love it.

As for me, this will be my 5^th Mother’s Day without my Mama, it doesn’t seem like I will ever get used to being without her.  But as we’ve done over those last 5 years, my sister and I will pick up her favorite flowers, colorful Carnations and Tulips,  and bundle them beautifully and lay them in front of her headstone at Fort Rosecrans National Cemetery.  She has a magnificent view of Coronado and it always seems to be so peaceful and beautiful there.  Not the Mother’s Day celebration that my sister and I prefer, but just our way of spending time with her.  We try to remember all of the years we were blessed to have her and the fun we always had.  Though she isn’t here with us anymore, we know she is still mothering us from Heaven and that is comforting.

As any of you who have lost Mother’s know, each year on this day of Celebration, the heart misses Mama so much.

Enjoy your day with your Mom no matter what you do.  They are God’s way of making sure we know how to love and live.  They are truly Special people.  And to all you Moms out there, let your family spoil you and resist the urge to take care of them just for that one day, because you deserve the attention!!!  (and your regular routine will begin again the next day – so enjoy your day off….)   LOL

Blessing to you all.  Be good to one another EVERYDAY….

 Once your divorce is final, you are in a position to take some steps that are easily overlooked yet can be significant in rebuilding your financial stability so you can be successful in the new phase of your life. Local certified divorce financial analyst, Karen Mendez, of Wedbush helps clients navigate the murky waters that can come with divorce and offers this tip sheet to help put you on firmer financial footing.

Establish your own relationship with some professionals to hire such as a financial advisor, CPA or estate-planning attorney. You may also need to find your own real estate broker, mortgage broker, banker, doctor and dentist whom you trust and feel comfortable with.

Determine what money is coming in and what money is going out so you can get a handle on what it costs to support your new lifestyle.

• After reassessing the amount of money needed to support your lifestyle you will have a clearer picture of what you can afford for the roof over your head. That may mean renting versus owning.

Get all of the assets awarded in the divorce transferred into your name. You may need to change your name on your social security card and IDs such as your passport and driver’s license.

• Review the beneficiaries you have named on all of your financial papers including your IRAs, employer’s retirement plans like 401k’s or 403b’s, annuities and insurance and make necessary changes.

Update or establish your own estate planning documents. These are legal documents related to your estate such as a will, living trust, power of attorney and health care directive.

Check your credit report by requesting one at 1-877-322-8228. From there you will be able to learn your credit score and what accounts your name is on.

• In the marriage couples typically have had credit in joint names and once the accounts are separated you may learn you have little or no credit history in your own name.
• If you do not have separate credit after divorce you would be wise to establish your own.

Rely on the CPA you hire to help you through the maze of filing taxes. After divorce your entire tax filing status has changed and you can relieve yourself of some stress by working with a professional who will guide you properly.

Once you have figured out what your “new” lifestyle costs to maintain, some longer term financial planning can take place.

• A written financial plan gives you a roadmap that lays out where you are today compared to where you want to be at some point down the road and a path that connects the two so you can see where you are headed.

Establish a new investment strategy based on your own temperament, goals and time frame.

Karen Mendez can be reached at 858-523-4936, karenmendez@wedbush.com, www.wedbush.com/karenmendez, www.linkedin.com/in/karenmendez1

About Karen Mendez