Single Mom Survivor
Single Mom Survivor
Single Mom Survivor
Single Mom Survivor

Single Mom Syndrome

Glennon – A Lady of Purpose, Energy & Truth

I am still reeling from the blast of inspiration & energy I got from attending an Evening with Glennon Doyle Melton last night in Pasadena, CA at the All Saints Church.   It was a Wonderful venue & such an Amazing night.

A friend and I drove up from San Diego on what was supposed to be a 2 hour 10 minute drive, according to Google maps, and found ourselves a bit detoured (lost) on the way up, which allowed us to see many parts of Northern California that I didn’t even know existed, but we still managed to arrive there in time for the event.  The drive home was quite an adventure as we missed a merge & ended up smack dab in the middle of the exiting crowds at Dodger Stadium after game 4 of the playoffs where the Dodgers apparently pulled off a last minute win- so you can imagine what kind of crowd we were stuck in for over 30 minutes while trying to find our way back to the freeway- Whew!  it was a long night, but so totally worth it..  Darn I got side tracked, sorry…….  :-)

If by chance you live under a rock or on the moon and haven’t heard of Glennon, let me educate you.   She is the creator of Momastery.com  & the Author of the New York Times Best Selling book, “Carry On, Warrior – Thoughts on Life Unarmed”.   And if you aren’t familiar with her story & all of the phenomenal work she is doing in the world you best get on over to her website & check it out!  Go, go on  – Run don’t walk!!!

She is authentic, real & speaks to an audience as if they are all old friends.  Even last night as we all sat there in awe, just waiting for her next words, we didn’t feel like we were in a room full of strangers at all.  We all felt connected because of Glennon & it was such an empowering feeling.

Check the events section of her website & see if she is coming to your area soon.  I highly recommend that you go & see her should you have the chance.  Even if it means embarking on an adventure like we did.   I promise that she will touch your life too.  Her book makes a wonderful gift for anyone in your life.   It is like a hard-covered, brightly colored blessing filled with the words of a perfectly, imperfect person that you come to respect, admire & relate to.

It was such a blessing to be in the presence of a being who is spreading hope, joy & love in the world by being brave enough to Live out loud and share her story & struggles so others won’t feel alone.  The Power of One with the passion to help, has affected the lives of many.

Keep up the good work Glennon.   We shall all Carry on because of you!

Love & Light to you all & take good care of yourself…….  Torie

 

 

So very nice to meet her!

So very nice to meet her!

 

She is a Super good hugger!

She is a Super good hugger!

Even a Super Hero has Help – They are called Sidekicks

Hello  Friends,

When it comes to believing that women can do ANYTHING I am at the front super hero

of the line cheering the loudest.  I have seen & lived through the incredible things we can do & overcome be them triumph or adversity.  Women are impressive human beings kinda of like circus performers with an innate ability to spin many plates in the air at one time without allowing any to fall & break.  That being said, I think there is an unspoken expectation that we are somehow Super Humans who are supposed to take on all of the worlds problems along with our own and deal with them without the help of others.  I’m not sure if it is born into us or if it is learned through society, movies & TV, but it’s there.  More often than not, when I talk to women who are completely stressed out and overwhelmed and I ask them why they don’t seek out help from others, they always say, because I’m supposed to be strong enough to handle it myself right?   WRONG!!!

I know that you’ve heard me say at least a hundred times that in life I am of the belief that “It takes a Village”.  People helping people so that no one has to do or face things alone.  If we are going to compare ourselves to Super Heroes then lets not forgot that even Super Heroes have helpers, they are called Sidekicks…so if you think of the people in your life/your Village, as Sidekicks, would that make it easier for you to go to them when you are in need of help?

In my life it is no secret that my Village has come to my rescue on more than one occasion, so I know how important it is to utilize their help.  It is because of them I have been able to overcome so many obstacles in my life.  I am a better person because of them.

Recently I’ve heard from many Single Moms who are struggling , exhausted and frustrated from trying to do EVERYTHING by themselves while running the business of raising their families alone, and they are at the end of their ropes.  They are looking for answers to solve their dilemmas and as much as I wish that I had simple quick resolutions for them, I just don’t.  The best I can do is share the following information with you all hoping that a few things that I have learned along my journey might help, so here goes:

1) No matter how strong a person you are, try to remember that you aren’t supposed to do everything by yourself.  I know so many people who have experienced incredible & unimaginable events in their lives who were strong of spirit & soul but who could not have survived everything without the help of others.  We have to stop believing that getting help means we are weak, when it is honestly just the opposite.  It is a sign of wisdom when you know that it is time to ask for help.  So even though you are strong & amazing I encourage you to reach out to others in your Village, I promise you that they have been waiting for you to ask so they can be there for you.

2) Don’t compare yourself, your family or your current situation to ANYONE else’s – EVER!  It is unhealthy & a waste of energy.  How many times do we tell our kids that exact thing as they express jealousy or inadequacy when it comes to comparing themselves to the other kids at school?  Think about the great advice that you give to your teenagers to help them, doesn’t that same advice hold true for you as a Single Mom?  Your life isn’t like anyone else’s.  Your situation has different factors in it, so stay focused on the things that effect your family and don’t cloud your vision with the details of someone else’s life.  When something good happens for another Single Mom you know, be sincerely Happy for her without feeling envious or mad.  You aren’t a part of her journey, so you aren’t entitled to receiving something great just because she has.  Your time will come.  Take a deep breath and remember to start from where you are right now.  You can’t change the past, so don’t waste time dwelling in or reliving it, nothing will change.  You can’t predict tomorrow so stop worrying/obsessing about it. You are responsible for the here & now of your life so pay attention to the decisions you make today because they will shape tomorrow for you and your family.

3) Slow down occasionally.  Take time to listen to what is inside of your heart.  It is way too easy to get caught up in the everyday life noise as it comes at you from all sides and drowns out your inner voice & thoughts.  I understand that you are on the go running here and there with the kids, working and running errands, but if that is all you are doing each day then you are missing some very important pieces of your life.  Make the time to be still and listen so you don’t lose focus of all of those things that are important to you and your family.  See if you have 5 minutes each night before you go to bed or in the mornings before you get up to just sit still & think about those things.  You will be surprised at what a difference it will make in keeping your mind and heart on the same track.  I know that it isn’t easy but it is worth it if you decide to give it a try.

Well there you have it – my two cents worth of input for the Super Hero known as the Single Mom.  I completely believe in your unlimited strength & determination and all of your Super Powers, I just think that you should remember that you are surrounded by people who are just waiting to tie on a cape and become your sidekick, because they want to help you.  They care about you more than you realize, so give them a chance will ya?  you may enjoy the company.

So fly on Super Mom, keep leaping those tall buildings in a single bound, just don’t forget that you don’t have to do it alone.

Keep up the good work raising that beautiful family of yours.  You are AMAZING!

Sending you wishes of Love & Light always……..    Torie B.

super hero 2

AFFORDABLE SUMMER FUN!

sun

It’s finally here…. The kids are out of school, the air smells like pool cleaning chemicals mixed with sun tan lotion & the sun seems hotter than ever before… It’s Summer!

So the only question now is, What are you going to do every day to keep your kids entertained?  It’s expensive to send them away to Summer Camp, (though it is fun to dream about) even Summer School doesn’t last for the entire summer break & if you don’t have a yard to let them run amuck in to keep them out from under your feet what are your options and more importantly, how can you find local activities that are affordable to keep them busy? (more…)

CAN YOU AFFORD TO DIVORCE?

Over the last year I have received many e-mails regarding all different aspects of Single Motherhood. Topics such as advice on disciplining children, setting up co-parenting guidelines, to how to form a support network, just to name a few. But I’ve even heard from a lot of very unhappy women who are living either currently separated from their husbands, or who want to file for divorce but feel like they are trapped & have to stay married because of the financial ramifications divorce would have on them. Though I understand why these women want to protect what they’ve earned over the years, it saddens me to think that they are out there raising kids and living in such an unhappy life situation.

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TECHNICALLY EVERYDAY IS MOTHER’S DAY – ISN’T IT?

Well, it’s upon us again, that time of year where we set aside one day, one very Special day to Celebrate & pay homage to our Mothers.  We scramble around the mall with thousands of others trying to pick out just the perfect token of our Love for her along with that card which contains those words that seem to speak from our hearts and are sure to bring her to tears.  Like the year before, she will most likely tell us that she doesn’t need anything but a hug and our love, yet we feel the need almost the obligation to shower her with “things” to show her how much we love and appreciate her. (more…)